Kurt's Porn Critique
by erinjoy29
Summary: Kurt and Blaine are invited to a guys' night at Puck's house. Hanging out and playing video games turns into watching porn.  Fill for a prompt on glee kink meme over at LiveJournal.


As the room was emptying after Glee practice earlier that week, Puck had invited the guys around for a night of 'video games and other fun shit' in his exact words. Initially, Finn had been the most excited and that had been quickly mimicked by Blaine. It appeared to be inevitable that Kurt would admit defeat and agree to go too, but he wasn't giving in that easily. It seemed like a good idea to hang out with the other Glee guys and so after much begging from Blaine, Kurt had agreed to go too, but not before bargaining to get _something_ out of the situation.

So on Friday night, Kurt, Blaine and Finn carpooled over to Puck's house where they found Sam and Mike arguing about what game to play first, Artie trying to hook all the x-boxes up, and Puck yelling something about going to get pizza and some movies.

The night had started out pretty normal... they played some Call of Duty and Battlefield 3; Kurt being surprisingly good at both. He spent most the time multi-tasking playing the games and still managing to mock the others for losing to him when he'd never played before. Well, he'd never played these exact games, but he wasn't disclosing that information when Puckerman was basically turning purple trying to figure out how Kurt kept sneaking up on him and shooting him.

It didn't take long for it to get boring when Kurt kept killing most of them, except for Blaine of course, which only served to annoy Puck even more. So they decided to stop for some pizza and put on a movie.

Kurt was happily curled slightly into Blaine on one end of the couch, Artie to the side of Blaine in his own chair and Finn sitting in front of Artie on the ground. Puck took the other end of the couch while Sam and Mike fought over the other chair next to Puck which ended in Sam sulking on the ground in front of Puck while Mike gloated.

Kurt didn't notice anything odd at first, but when he turned to look at the TV he noticed out of the corner of his eye that Puck had a scheming look on his face. They hadn't decided what to watch yet and Kurt had suspicions that Puck was up to something, which were sadly proven to be correct when the next words out of Puck's mouth were "We should watch porn."

Finn was quick to jump in with "Dude, seriously?" which was echoed similarly by Sam. Mike and Artie were suspiciously quiet, as were Blaine and Kurt.

Kurt turned to Puck and found him staring back as if daring him to cause a scene and refuse to watch it. But Kurt wasn't going to let him win so easily. And this is where it got weird... "No Finn, it's fine. I mean, if that's what you guys do on nights like these." Kurt felt Blaine turn abruptly to stare at him, and Kurt smiled reassuringly and squeezed his leg softly. He turned back to Puck, "Did you have anything particular in mind?"

Puck seemed to think for a moment before standing, "Yeah, give me a sec." and running up the stairs to his room. He was barely gone 30 seconds before he appeared on the staircase again, this time grasping a USB in his hand. He moved forward to plug it into the DVD player, grabbing the remote and moving back to his seat. "Connor sent me a link to download this stuff the other day and I haven't had a chance to watch it yet. He said it's awesome though."

Kurt scoffed, "I'm sure it is."

Finn seemed to be a bit nervous, judging by his next comment. "Dude, if you're uncomfortable or whatever just say so and we won't watch it, right Puck?"

"Just start it, Puck. Sooner we watch it the sooner we can go back to me schooling you guys at video games." Kurt couldn't help but smirk, ignoring Blaine pinching his side, no doubt for being a smartass. "And stop calling me 'Dude', Finn."

Finn huffed and turned back to the TV, and Puck took that as his cue to press play on the first 'movie'... and they've jumped straight in! The film-makers have skipped past the usual 'seductive' introduction and the first thing they see is a girl on her knees looking up through her lashes at the guy whose dick she's about to be sucking. She takes her time fluttering her eyelashes.

Kurt snorted and turned to Blaine, speaking just loud enough for the other guys to hear, "Just so you know, you look way hotter when you do that without all the eyelash fluttering."

Blaine smiled widely as he realised what Kurt was doing. The girl finally moved forward and licked a stripe up from the base of the man's cock before doing some weird teeth scraping thing that caused all the guys in the room minus Finn to wince, "Yeah, and what's with the teeth! I like it way better when you sink your whole mouth down around me." The guy on screen seemed to agree if the way he flinched was anything to go by.

"Which isn't exactly easy, I'll have you know." Kurt winks, sliding his hand a little higher up Blaine's leg.

Blaine blushes, "Hey, I think we can agree we're pretty even in that department. If anything I've spent more time practicing since we aren't all lucky enough to be born without a gag-reflex."

"You've never complained before."

Which was a good point Blaine had to concede to, "Touché."

They turn back to the TV in time to see the girl running her hands around on the man's back while having barely half of his dick in her mouth as she managed to start choking a little bit even then.

"She should really stop ignoring his balls. I mean, the hands on his back are basically useless, she could use one hand to jerk off the base of his dick, you know so that it at least _feels_ like she's deep-throating him even though she can't, and then she can use the other one to play with his balls. Right, honey?" Kurt turned to Blaine, raising an eyebrow.

Blaine nodded seriously, "Yeah, plus she could even overcome the deep-throating issue by focussing specifically on the tip, you know like those little tongue flicks I do, maybe throw in some rotating of her head so you get that twisting tongue feeling? I completely agree about the hand placement though, useless on his back like that."

"Yeah, I love the tongue flicks." The girl continued, moving her hands down to slide against his ass, and it was slight but he pushed back into her hands and grabbed her hand, pushing it towards his asshole. When he let go, the girl went straight back to rubbing her hands across his back. "Oh my god, that's like the universal signal for 'stick in a finger'! Why is she ignoring it? Blaine! Oh my god, what is wrong with this girl?"

Blaine chuckled, pulling Kurt a little closer. "I know it's hard to watch, but maybe one day she'll learn?"

"I doubt it." Kurt stated bluntly.

Puck finally turned to glare at Kurt and Blaine. "Are you guys just gonna sit here and insult her technique the whole time?"

Kurt looked at Puck, slightly condescendingly. "What did you expect? It's straight porn, the boobs are hardly doing anything for us and I figured we might as well have _some_ fun."

"Whatever, can you be a little quieter though?" Puck practically begged.

"I guess we cou-" Kurt was distracted again, but his target wasn't the girl this time. "Oh my god, what is he _doing_? He does realise that not only would it feel better, it would _look_ better if he'd change his angle... just sit back on his legs a bit more and he can thrust up a bit! It'd be perfect."

"Totally. Oh look, they're changing positions again." Blaine pointed out needlessly, Kurt was completely absorbed in his criticisms.

"Of course, the ever so cliché 'doggy-style'. He should try angling down more since he's, you know, with a girl." Kurt laughed again, nudging Blaine with his knee.

Blaine laughed, quietly looking around at the other guys. Finn seemed like he was taking mental notes, perhaps for Rachel. Artie was looking a bit sad, probably thinking of his time with Brittany, and Sam was just completely red. Mike looked like he wanted to agree with them, but probably wasn't sure what Tina would think if it got back to her. Puck just looked like he wanted to kick them out, and that's when Blaine got his idea. He turned to whisper into Kurt's ear, "Hey, this is getting boring, you wanna go to the bathroom?"

Kurt turned to him confused, "The bathroom? Why? I'm having fun here."

Blaine rolled his eyes, "Kurt, the _bathroom_." Kurt looked at him like he was crazy. "I'll make it worth your while, just say you're going to get something to drink and meet me in the bathroom, okay?" He stared at Kurt, trying to get the message across.

It took a moment but it finally clicked. Kurt's eyes lit up, and he grinned. "You go first, I'll follow you in a second."

Blaine stood up and excused himself. The guys barely paid him any notice and he made his way to the bathroom with one last wink at Kurt, who smirked and attempted to hide it in his shoulder.

Kurt waited before standing, watching them change positions once more on the screen. The girl had gone back to sucking his dick and it looked like they were setting her up for a facial. Kurt couldn't resist getting one last jab in, "I need a drink. Also, it's way hotter if she swallows. Trust me."

Puck glared at him. "Will you just go already?" He watched Kurt shrug and walk towards the bathroom before muttering under his breath, "Stupid lucky Anderson."

It took Puck a minute, but he eventually realised that Kurt hadn't headed towards the kitchen. The moment he realised what was going on he yelled as loud as he could, "I hate you both so much right now!"

The other guys gave him weird looks before turning back to the TV, none of them noticing the two boys missing.

Meanwhile, in the bathroom... The moment Kurt had knocked quietly on the door Blaine had swung the door inwards and grasped the front of Kurt's shirt to pull him closer and crush their lips together. He immediately licked his way into Kurt's mouth as he pulled Kurt further into the bathroom. Closing the door behind them, he used the hand clenched in Kurt's shirt to trail down his chest and undo the zip to his pants.

Kurt quickly took control of the kiss, growling in the back of his throat as he turned them and pushed Blaine up against the door. He rubbed at the front of Blaine's jeans, causing him to moan. He yanked at Blaine's belt and finally managed to get it unfastened in time for Blaine to grip Kurt's dick tightly and stroke him firmly.

Kurt moaned and thrust into Blaine's fist, biting down on Blaine's lower lip at the same time that he got Blaine's zip undone. He pushed both Blaine's and his pants and briefs down around their knees, thrusting against Blaine and pushing him up against the door again, their cocks pressing together causing both boys to moan. Kurt stopped kissing him for a moment to comment breathlessly, "I don't mean to sound vain, but we are seriously good at this."

Kurt used the hand around Blaine's cock to join with Blaine's and close around both their cocks together, leaving his other hand free to tug gently at Blaine's nipple. The resulting groan that was pulled from Blaine's throat causing a shudder to pass through Kurt's body as he kissed his way down to Blaine's neck, gently nipping just below his ear and whispering, "I bet I can make you come in less than a minute."

Blaine jerked forward at Kurt's words, and he proceeded to rub his thumb purposely along the bottom of Kurt's cock, as he stammered, "God, Kurt! I'm close already, fuck. Please tell me you are too." He used the hand that wasn't encircling their cocks to reach down and gently massage Kurt's balls.

Kurt groaned, "Yeah, baby... so close." He ran his thumb in between their cocks, consciously making sure to press right against the bottom ridge around the tips of both their cocks at the same time.

Blaine moved his hand to cover the tips of their cocks, just in time it seemed as he felt the splashes of Kurt's orgasm in the palm of his hand. Kurt pressed Blaine against the door, losing his balance as his knees buckled.

Kurt's hand didn't stop for one second; they'd done this enough for him to know to let his own cock loose from their hands, saving it from oversensitivity. Another upside being that it freed Blaine's hand to rub his own balls gently. Kurt kept his hand wrapped around Blaine's cock and used the hand that was playing with Blaine's nipples to suck into his mouth for a few seconds before reaching down behind Blaine to press against his perineum.

He dragged his finger back and all it took was the slight press of Kurt's finger against his hole for Blaine to lose all control and shoot into his hand creating an even bigger mess. Kurt worked him through the aftershocks, kissing him gently. He took his weight off Blaine giving him room to breathe.

After a moment of gathering his breath, Blaine moved over to the sink to wash his hands, Kurt stopping him to take his cum-covered hand in his own. He looked into Blaine's eyes with a cheeky twinkle in his own, placing one of Blaine's fingers in his mouth and moaning as he tasted the two of them mixed together. He removed the finger and licked up the centre of Blaine's hand with a flat tongue, his eyes slipping shut as he pressed a kiss to Blaine's palm.

"You've certainly grown out of your baby penguin phase." Blaine couldn't help himself from commenting.

Kurt swallowed and laughed, "Yeah, lucky for _you_."

Blaine smiled softly, taking a deep breath and kissing Kurt gently once more. "We should probably head back out, don't want anybody getting too suspicious."

"Like they don't know!" Kurt scoffed as he pulled his pants up before doing the same for Blaine.

Blaine smiled his thanks and raised an eyebrow, "Even Finn?"

"Okay, so maybe not Finn." He sighed. "Fine, it's probably best we don't traumatise the poor boy. I'll go out first, you can finish washing your hands and I'll meet you out there." He kissed Blaine deeply before leaving the bathroom throwing a wink over his shoulder.

Blaine looked into the mirror above the sink and laughed at the state of his hair. Kurt's was in no better state and he was sure that if the guys didn't know what they were doing already, they certainly would when Kurt walked into the living room.


End file.
